November's 30-Day Challenge

I considered trying meditation for thirty days. But then after chatting with my BFE Miriam, I realized that what I really needed wasn't necessarily meditation.  I just needed some more Becky Time.  I'm unhappy with my schedule, because I don't fit in what I need for myself.  Instead, I accommodate everyone else and their schedule.  And it's not their fault--I would say 80% of the time they don't ask me to do this, I just do it. And the other 20% of the time when they do ask for my time/energy, I don't always have to say yes.  I do it because I enjoy spending time with them.  And of course I like feeling needed.

But what I'm realizing is that I'm spending so much time with the other people in my life, that I'm not spending any time with myself.  I'm sacrificing working out, sleep, bubble baths, reading, writing in my journal, etc.  And I'm exhausted.  I'm addicted to not being alone, and I need to be alone in order to function and be sane again. I think my wake-up call was Miriam pointing out that I seem unhappy and distant lately.  That even when I am in our social group, I'm not really there, and I'm not smiling like I used to.  So my addiction isn't working.  I need to give myself the gift of missing my friends.

So my 30-day challenge is about getting my sanity back.  It's not just squeezing Becky Time into each day.  Instead, it's about making my schedule and sticking to it.  It's even about following through with the promises I make to myself.  If I tell myself I'm going to get up at 5 and go to the gym before work, then I have to follow through.  I've lost my trust in myself.

Today at 9:30, I'm going to the gym. :)