I'm actually quite shy.
I know, I know. I'm a residence hall director. Part of the requirement is to not be shy. I force myself out of my shy shell to do this work, and it's exhausting!
My closest friends and favorite people in the world are usually very out-going. I think that works for us, because I can sit back and sip on Moscato while they re-tell their crazy adventures--which often occur because they introduced themselves to someone new. But sometimes I crave these crazy adventures too...
So my 30-Day Challenge: Meet someone new every opportunity I get. At first I wanted to force myself to meet one person each day, but that felt forced and inorganic. Now I'm meeting people as I get the opportunity. I will update as the adventures begin....
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
My Resident Assistants
It's been almost a whole semester of a new academic year, and it's been a great one so far. I have an amazing student staff, so I want to take a moment to thank each of my RAs. I'll just use initials in case they don't want the whole world to know how great they are. ;) And RAs, if you're reading this and you want me to take your post down entirely, please let me know. But know that I still appreciate you inwardly, and you can NEVER stop that! :)
CB: I love that no matter how cold it is outside, you're going to be wearing shorts--it's like you're personally boycotting winter. And I'm all for that! You're also doing such a great job encouraging the community to grow on your floor--you're approachable, witty, and kind. Your students appreciate it and so do I!
DF: I wish I could rename "The Thinker" statue to your name. My ultimate devil's advocate on staff, I can always count on you to see another perspective that the rest of us have missed. I appreciate how you take the time to ponder your answers when I ask you questions. It's as if you have an aversion to the phrase, "I don't know." Yet, you're able to do all of this without being a jerk--you're tentative in your responses.
JH: You're doing so well on your floor! I appreciate the community you're building. I can always rely on you to get done what needs to get done. You're willing to try things that are out of your comfort zone, and you crave self-improvement as an RA. And you have great taste in purses, shoes, clothes, backpacks, etc.
SD: You're determined. I love that quality in you. You believe in dusting yourself off and trying again. You're also very honest, both with yourself and with me. You're kind, approachable, and easy to talk to. I'm excited to see the amazing things you do next semester on your floor!
LF: My world lights up when you come by to visit! I can always count on you for a laugh. And thank you for always being positive--even on the days when you're stressed, sick, tired, etc. You always surprise me!
TF: I miss you! Actually, the couch in my office misses you. We're both excited that you'll have more time to spend with us next semester. Your down-to-earth perspective and honesty are great for my emotional, counseling soul. I look forward to seeing where you go!
CJ: You're a kind-hearted soul! I appreciate that you crave honest feedback, and that you're open to it. You are well-organized, and your round reports are beautiful! Thank you for your presence in hall council and your willingness to step up and help whenever I need it. And thank you for having the determination to overcome fears. That's an amazing asset that will be so helpful to you throughout your life.
RG: You're my willing RA...always ready to do whatever! You're kind and approachable, and I'm looking forward to what you do next semester! I do wish I knew you better, so please feel free to come and chat with me whenever I'm in my office.
JS: Amazing hair, and giggles! That's what I think of when I think of you. Oh and you're from my part of Wyoming! Super positive, adventurous, and outgoing. You definitely belong in this job. The RA world and the science world both need people like you!
JG: You're such a perfect balance of being a "guy," but also being a "nice guy." I don't know if that makes any sense to you. When I think of you, I think of Jeeps, off-roading, outdoors, and Mountain Time with J.! But I also think of a kind soul, and a quiet spirit. I so appreciate having you on staff. You would do great with mediating conflict.
LW: I can always count on getting a "Good Morning, Becky!" from you...EVERY MORNING! It's a great way to start my day! And thank you so much for the awesome community you've built on your floor. I can tell that your students enjoy where they live. Oh and you're an awesome country swing dancer.
CS: I'm so sad to see you leaving next semester! You're a wonderful addition to our staff--smart, well-spoken, kind, understanding... you're a great example for our students to follow. You take academics seriously and you take the job seriously. You deserve this co-op, and I look forward to you coming back!
BH: You're the cookie-cutter RA--you love door decorations, events, prizes, games, colors, students--you're exactly what first-year students need. You're concerned about your students, and you develop meaningful relationships with them. Thank you for taking the job seriously, but also giving it so much time and creativity.
SN: Amazing hair! And hats! And you're so understanding and kind. Thank you for your patience when things don't go the way they should. You have developed meaningful relationships with your students, and I appreciate you taking the time to have difficult conversations with them when you're concerned about them.
BD: I'm sad to see you leaving next semester too! You have amazing icecream making skills! Not only that, but you're a very kind soul. You're also determined, adventurous, and busy! Thank you for making the RA job a priority even with everything else you have going on. I appreciate that you're willing to be honest with me.
NR: My favorite memory of you was last year when everyone on Facebook was doing the number game. You had nothing but kind things to say, and it was exactly what I needed in that moment. Thank you for your honesty--with yourself and with me. You're willing to look at what you need to work on, and you're always ready to do it. I'm excited to see what you do next semester!
HW: What can I say? You're the highlight to my day every day! I couldn't have done this job without you this year, and I'm so happy to know that you have my back this year. I cannot WAIT to see where you go in the future--you deserve nothing but good things, and I can't wait to "assist" you in your future adventures!
CB: I love that no matter how cold it is outside, you're going to be wearing shorts--it's like you're personally boycotting winter. And I'm all for that! You're also doing such a great job encouraging the community to grow on your floor--you're approachable, witty, and kind. Your students appreciate it and so do I!
DF: I wish I could rename "The Thinker" statue to your name. My ultimate devil's advocate on staff, I can always count on you to see another perspective that the rest of us have missed. I appreciate how you take the time to ponder your answers when I ask you questions. It's as if you have an aversion to the phrase, "I don't know." Yet, you're able to do all of this without being a jerk--you're tentative in your responses.
JH: You're doing so well on your floor! I appreciate the community you're building. I can always rely on you to get done what needs to get done. You're willing to try things that are out of your comfort zone, and you crave self-improvement as an RA. And you have great taste in purses, shoes, clothes, backpacks, etc.
SD: You're determined. I love that quality in you. You believe in dusting yourself off and trying again. You're also very honest, both with yourself and with me. You're kind, approachable, and easy to talk to. I'm excited to see the amazing things you do next semester on your floor!
LF: My world lights up when you come by to visit! I can always count on you for a laugh. And thank you for always being positive--even on the days when you're stressed, sick, tired, etc. You always surprise me!
TF: I miss you! Actually, the couch in my office misses you. We're both excited that you'll have more time to spend with us next semester. Your down-to-earth perspective and honesty are great for my emotional, counseling soul. I look forward to seeing where you go!
CJ: You're a kind-hearted soul! I appreciate that you crave honest feedback, and that you're open to it. You are well-organized, and your round reports are beautiful! Thank you for your presence in hall council and your willingness to step up and help whenever I need it. And thank you for having the determination to overcome fears. That's an amazing asset that will be so helpful to you throughout your life.
RG: You're my willing RA...always ready to do whatever! You're kind and approachable, and I'm looking forward to what you do next semester! I do wish I knew you better, so please feel free to come and chat with me whenever I'm in my office.
JS: Amazing hair, and giggles! That's what I think of when I think of you. Oh and you're from my part of Wyoming! Super positive, adventurous, and outgoing. You definitely belong in this job. The RA world and the science world both need people like you!
JG: You're such a perfect balance of being a "guy," but also being a "nice guy." I don't know if that makes any sense to you. When I think of you, I think of Jeeps, off-roading, outdoors, and Mountain Time with J.! But I also think of a kind soul, and a quiet spirit. I so appreciate having you on staff. You would do great with mediating conflict.
LW: I can always count on getting a "Good Morning, Becky!" from you...EVERY MORNING! It's a great way to start my day! And thank you so much for the awesome community you've built on your floor. I can tell that your students enjoy where they live. Oh and you're an awesome country swing dancer.
CS: I'm so sad to see you leaving next semester! You're a wonderful addition to our staff--smart, well-spoken, kind, understanding... you're a great example for our students to follow. You take academics seriously and you take the job seriously. You deserve this co-op, and I look forward to you coming back!
BH: You're the cookie-cutter RA--you love door decorations, events, prizes, games, colors, students--you're exactly what first-year students need. You're concerned about your students, and you develop meaningful relationships with them. Thank you for taking the job seriously, but also giving it so much time and creativity.
SN: Amazing hair! And hats! And you're so understanding and kind. Thank you for your patience when things don't go the way they should. You have developed meaningful relationships with your students, and I appreciate you taking the time to have difficult conversations with them when you're concerned about them.
BD: I'm sad to see you leaving next semester too! You have amazing icecream making skills! Not only that, but you're a very kind soul. You're also determined, adventurous, and busy! Thank you for making the RA job a priority even with everything else you have going on. I appreciate that you're willing to be honest with me.
NR: My favorite memory of you was last year when everyone on Facebook was doing the number game. You had nothing but kind things to say, and it was exactly what I needed in that moment. Thank you for your honesty--with yourself and with me. You're willing to look at what you need to work on, and you're always ready to do it. I'm excited to see what you do next semester!
HW: What can I say? You're the highlight to my day every day! I couldn't have done this job without you this year, and I'm so happy to know that you have my back this year. I cannot WAIT to see where you go in the future--you deserve nothing but good things, and I can't wait to "assist" you in your future adventures!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Social Justice
I have to get right to the point before A) I lose everything in my head and B) before the next session. So here it is.
I hated the "diversity training" portion of RA training when I was in the front lines of Residence Life. It was run by a brow-beating, in-your-face person every year, so I never felt comfortable revealing what was actually going on in my head or heart. (And to be quite honest, a lot of things still haven't changed for me in terms of my biases, blind spots, stereotypes, etc. I'm a hot mess.) Plus, the activities were dumb.
PHEW. Glad that's out.
So! As the In-Service on Social Justice is just around the corner, I am faced with how I want to approach my RAs. I have re-learned in the last couple days of this conference, that the best trainers are the ones who are willing to be vulnerable and be a model of learning to their students. They will have real conversations during the training, and be transparent during it as well. I need to admit that I am a hot mess, and guess what...so are they. :)
School of Mines RAs are terrifying. They're too smart for their own good, and way too competitive for MY own good. I know that going into a social justice training session is immediately going to put them on edge. But maybe that's the same with every group of students, and I'm assuming too much about SDSMT students.
Whatever. Either way, this is not an easy session to go into.
I do have activities that I think aren't terribly lame. I like to think that I'm approachable and not a brow-beater (except maybe on LGBTQ issues...again, I'm a hot mess). And I'm craving having a discussion of some sort. My thought is to go into this being transparent, stating my own needs, and then inviting them what their needs are. Good start? Yes. What are my needs? I'm not an arguer. I'm a harmonizer. So if my RAs learn by having heated debates/discussions, then that can be done after our session. I was just trying to think of other needs, but I think that's really the only one that I have in order to be a successful facilitator.
That took a lot of words and a lot of blog space to get that out. Off to the next session!
I hated the "diversity training" portion of RA training when I was in the front lines of Residence Life. It was run by a brow-beating, in-your-face person every year, so I never felt comfortable revealing what was actually going on in my head or heart. (And to be quite honest, a lot of things still haven't changed for me in terms of my biases, blind spots, stereotypes, etc. I'm a hot mess.) Plus, the activities were dumb.
PHEW. Glad that's out.
So! As the In-Service on Social Justice is just around the corner, I am faced with how I want to approach my RAs. I have re-learned in the last couple days of this conference, that the best trainers are the ones who are willing to be vulnerable and be a model of learning to their students. They will have real conversations during the training, and be transparent during it as well. I need to admit that I am a hot mess, and guess what...so are they. :)
School of Mines RAs are terrifying. They're too smart for their own good, and way too competitive for MY own good. I know that going into a social justice training session is immediately going to put them on edge. But maybe that's the same with every group of students, and I'm assuming too much about SDSMT students.
Whatever. Either way, this is not an easy session to go into.
I do have activities that I think aren't terribly lame. I like to think that I'm approachable and not a brow-beater (except maybe on LGBTQ issues...again, I'm a hot mess). And I'm craving having a discussion of some sort. My thought is to go into this being transparent, stating my own needs, and then inviting them what their needs are. Good start? Yes. What are my needs? I'm not an arguer. I'm a harmonizer. So if my RAs learn by having heated debates/discussions, then that can be done after our session. I was just trying to think of other needs, but I think that's really the only one that I have in order to be a successful facilitator.
That took a lot of words and a lot of blog space to get that out. Off to the next session!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November's 30-Day Challenge
I considered trying meditation for thirty days. But then after chatting with my BFE Miriam, I realized that what I really needed wasn't necessarily meditation. I just needed some more Becky Time. I'm unhappy with my schedule, because I don't fit in what I need for myself. Instead, I accommodate everyone else and their schedule. And it's not their fault--I would say 80% of the time they don't ask me to do this, I just do it. And the other 20% of the time when they do ask for my time/energy, I don't always have to say yes. I do it because I enjoy spending time with them. And of course I like feeling needed.
But what I'm realizing is that I'm spending so much time with the other people in my life, that I'm not spending any time with myself. I'm sacrificing working out, sleep, bubble baths, reading, writing in my journal, etc. And I'm exhausted. I'm addicted to not being alone, and I need to be alone in order to function and be sane again. I think my wake-up call was Miriam pointing out that I seem unhappy and distant lately. That even when I am in our social group, I'm not really there, and I'm not smiling like I used to. So my addiction isn't working. I need to give myself the gift of missing my friends.
So my 30-day challenge is about getting my sanity back. It's not just squeezing Becky Time into each day. Instead, it's about making my schedule and sticking to it. It's even about following through with the promises I make to myself. If I tell myself I'm going to get up at 5 and go to the gym before work, then I have to follow through. I've lost my trust in myself.
Today at 9:30, I'm going to the gym. :)
But what I'm realizing is that I'm spending so much time with the other people in my life, that I'm not spending any time with myself. I'm sacrificing working out, sleep, bubble baths, reading, writing in my journal, etc. And I'm exhausted. I'm addicted to not being alone, and I need to be alone in order to function and be sane again. I think my wake-up call was Miriam pointing out that I seem unhappy and distant lately. That even when I am in our social group, I'm not really there, and I'm not smiling like I used to. So my addiction isn't working. I need to give myself the gift of missing my friends.
So my 30-day challenge is about getting my sanity back. It's not just squeezing Becky Time into each day. Instead, it's about making my schedule and sticking to it. It's even about following through with the promises I make to myself. If I tell myself I'm going to get up at 5 and go to the gym before work, then I have to follow through. I've lost my trust in myself.
Today at 9:30, I'm going to the gym. :)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
October's 30 Days
My 30 Day Challenge this month: To be Mindful of what I put into my body.
What I mean by this is to stop and take a moment to reflect on what I'm about to eat or drink. I struggle with eating food when I'm not hungry, ordering a $5 coffee when I don't really want one, going out for icecream when I'm not in the mood for it, snacking when I'm bored or procrastinating, continuing eating after I'm full, etc., etc., etc...
Now I have to wait. And listen. I have to listen to different parts of my body and wait until they tell me that I want food or a coffee. It's a constant re-assessment of where I'm at and what I'm feeling physiologically. I'm starting to learn how to listen to what my body needs. It's harder than it sounds. When we live in this fast-paced world of grab-and-go, eat while you can, I find myself having to literally stop whatever I'm doing for a moment and check in. I check in with my stomach, my mouth, my energy level, and what I'm thinking and feeling.
I've learned a few things already, and I'm only a few days in..
1. I eat to put off unpleasant things. I do it to procrastinate, to rid boredom, to avoid awkward situations, etc.
2. I'm not as hungry as I always thought I was.
3. I use food breaks as my way of getting a break from work. So when I'm not hungry during the "normal" break times, I'm not sure what to do with myself to feel re-energized and ready for work again.
Wish me luck....I need it!
What I mean by this is to stop and take a moment to reflect on what I'm about to eat or drink. I struggle with eating food when I'm not hungry, ordering a $5 coffee when I don't really want one, going out for icecream when I'm not in the mood for it, snacking when I'm bored or procrastinating, continuing eating after I'm full, etc., etc., etc...
Now I have to wait. And listen. I have to listen to different parts of my body and wait until they tell me that I want food or a coffee. It's a constant re-assessment of where I'm at and what I'm feeling physiologically. I'm starting to learn how to listen to what my body needs. It's harder than it sounds. When we live in this fast-paced world of grab-and-go, eat while you can, I find myself having to literally stop whatever I'm doing for a moment and check in. I check in with my stomach, my mouth, my energy level, and what I'm thinking and feeling.
I've learned a few things already, and I'm only a few days in..
1. I eat to put off unpleasant things. I do it to procrastinate, to rid boredom, to avoid awkward situations, etc.
2. I'm not as hungry as I always thought I was.
3. I use food breaks as my way of getting a break from work. So when I'm not hungry during the "normal" break times, I'm not sure what to do with myself to feel re-energized and ready for work again.
Wish me luck....I need it!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Students...
I guess it's fitting that my very first post in a blog that's dedicated to the insights I gain about my job should be about the people who created my job in the first place:
College Students.
Now it's not very long ago that I was a college student myself...but I wouldn't say I was a typical one. Which shouldn't be surprising to anyone else who's in my particular field of being a residence hall director. I think those of us who make a career out of residence life probably weren't the normal college student...we started out as hall council nerds, and then RHA nerds (remember the conferences with all the cheers, Ride That Pony, and Big Booty?), and then RA nerds and then AHD nerds and then Graduate HD nerds...etc, etc, etc. I'm proud to say...well maybe I'm not so proud to say...that I've been living in residence halls for nine years. NINE YEARS. Even my RAs think that's sad.
But with that being said, I don't know a lot of other people who have quite the amazing job that I do. I create my own hours. I have autonomy over my own projects. I get to hand-pick the students I work closely with every year (my Resident Assistants, Assistant Hall Directors, and Hall Councils). I don't pay for rent, utilities, internet, cable, or parking AND I get a meal plan. I can sit for an hour chatting with a student about whether or not she should break up with her current boyfriend and not get in trouble...in fact, it's expected that I'm having these conversations with students. I get to develop people. REAL people. Not little kids with runny noses and sticky fingers. I get to play with the big kids. And they're a blast.
I'm not supposed to play favorites. But I do have a specific group of college students that I have the most fun working with--Resident Assistants. I would argue that RAs are probably the best-trained group of student leaders on just about any campus. They can make bulletin boards, host an icecream social, talk a student through a bad break-up, and address an alcohol violation--all in the course of one day. And then somewhere in there, they get their homework done, play on their intramural team, go to their student org meeting, and meet up with their significant other for some movie/cuddle time in between hall rounds. They're smart, funny, outgoing, organized, and ready for action. On the flip side, they're stressed, busy, tired, entitled, and sometimes cynical. (This tends to happen more in the second year of the job than the first.)
What surprises me is that reality television hasn't tapped into this resource. An RA staff has the potential to be a living, breathing organism that eats up emotions and spits out DRAMA. There are hook-ups, break-ups, fights with RA partners, frustration with supervisors, etc. etc. Imagine this happening with a group of students who are also expected to be in touch with 25-50 other students' lives and emotional well-being on a day-to-day basis. Oh yeah and they're college students too.
That being said, these are the students I most enjoy spending my time with. This is only my second year doing this job, and it's already going MUCH better than it did last year. I made a lot of mistakes and learned some valuable lessons from my students last year. And now I get to correct the things I did wrong.
I think that makes me pretty lucky.
College Students.
Now it's not very long ago that I was a college student myself...but I wouldn't say I was a typical one. Which shouldn't be surprising to anyone else who's in my particular field of being a residence hall director. I think those of us who make a career out of residence life probably weren't the normal college student...we started out as hall council nerds, and then RHA nerds (remember the conferences with all the cheers, Ride That Pony, and Big Booty?), and then RA nerds and then AHD nerds and then Graduate HD nerds...etc, etc, etc. I'm proud to say...well maybe I'm not so proud to say...that I've been living in residence halls for nine years. NINE YEARS. Even my RAs think that's sad.
But with that being said, I don't know a lot of other people who have quite the amazing job that I do. I create my own hours. I have autonomy over my own projects. I get to hand-pick the students I work closely with every year (my Resident Assistants, Assistant Hall Directors, and Hall Councils). I don't pay for rent, utilities, internet, cable, or parking AND I get a meal plan. I can sit for an hour chatting with a student about whether or not she should break up with her current boyfriend and not get in trouble...in fact, it's expected that I'm having these conversations with students. I get to develop people. REAL people. Not little kids with runny noses and sticky fingers. I get to play with the big kids. And they're a blast.
I'm not supposed to play favorites. But I do have a specific group of college students that I have the most fun working with--Resident Assistants. I would argue that RAs are probably the best-trained group of student leaders on just about any campus. They can make bulletin boards, host an icecream social, talk a student through a bad break-up, and address an alcohol violation--all in the course of one day. And then somewhere in there, they get their homework done, play on their intramural team, go to their student org meeting, and meet up with their significant other for some movie/cuddle time in between hall rounds. They're smart, funny, outgoing, organized, and ready for action. On the flip side, they're stressed, busy, tired, entitled, and sometimes cynical. (This tends to happen more in the second year of the job than the first.)
What surprises me is that reality television hasn't tapped into this resource. An RA staff has the potential to be a living, breathing organism that eats up emotions and spits out DRAMA. There are hook-ups, break-ups, fights with RA partners, frustration with supervisors, etc. etc. Imagine this happening with a group of students who are also expected to be in touch with 25-50 other students' lives and emotional well-being on a day-to-day basis. Oh yeah and they're college students too.
That being said, these are the students I most enjoy spending my time with. This is only my second year doing this job, and it's already going MUCH better than it did last year. I made a lot of mistakes and learned some valuable lessons from my students last year. And now I get to correct the things I did wrong.
I think that makes me pretty lucky.
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